E N T R I E S

[E N T R I E S]

new thing

Why am I so awkward????

I find it so hard to talk to attractive people. I can’t even look them in the eye. Wth.

There’s always that feeling of “I’m not worthy”??? Am I making any sense??

I feel the need to rant and to vent and to express. Tonight was a rough rollercoaster of insecurities. I’m trying this new thing where when I have a crush I immediately tell myself that it won’t work out. It’s a really harsh method. I tell myself: “no you aren’t on his level” or “it won’t work out because there are obviously better options than you.” It takes a real toll on your self-esteem.

It’s not really healthy. But I feel like I’ve been too full of myself lately. In all aspects of life. Right now, honestly, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do. But I think a lesson in humility is to be had.

I’ll update you on the method. I’m not really sure it’ll do anything except make me cry (because I did cry. A little. While I was washing my face. In the bathroom.)

But here’s to hoping I get my shit together!

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Sad 09/14/16

people throw around the word love so easily

i wonder when i’ll be able to do that

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I want to spend more time with my family

I’d rather be at home than be in the dorm

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Homesick

Today I realized that I have 2 weeks to savor my freedom from school.

Sad.

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tired

There’s something about me that loves comparing myself to others.

I’m tired.

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[humansofnewyork]

“My mother was a school principal. A lot of times she worked until 8 pm, so my grandfather would always pick me up from elementary school and help me with my homework. He loved to help me with school because I was his first grandchild to get an education. He especially loved book reports. He always insisted that we decorate the cover of the report in case we needed an extra bump in our grade. If it was a Halloween book report, he’d make a witch out of toilet paper and straws. He always told me that it was his dream to see me finish college. But the day before I graduated high school, his hand started shaking and he dropped a bowl of cereal while we were eating breakfast. It turned out he had a major stroke. He was minimally responsive after that but we kept him on life support. We thought if we prayed hard enough and believed enough, he would recover. He held on for a few years. I ended up going to the Fashion Institute of Technology, and I’d stop in every once in awhile and tell him about my grades. Toward the end, he grew very sick and blind, and his body was rejecting food. I finally graduated from FIT, and I brought him my graduation photos. Even though he couldn’t see them, I described the graduation to him. He died that night.”

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[humansofnewyork]

“Today’s his tenth birthday. He’s a very emotional young man. He likes to solve other people’s problems. One time when he was five years old, he came with me to the store and we bought two pounds of fresh apricots. I let him carry the bag home. He walked a little bit behind me the entire way. After awhile, I asked him to hand me an apricot. ‘I can’t,’ he said. ‘I’ve given them all away.’ I knew then that I was raising a humanitarian.”

(Tabriz, Iran)

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[humansofnewyork]

“My husband and I sold everything we had to afford the journey. We worked 15 hours a day in Turkey until we had enough money to leave. The smuggler put 152 of us on a boat. Once we saw the boat, many of us wanted to go back, but he told us that anyone who turned back would not get a refund. We had no choice. Both the lower compartment and the deck were filled with people. Waves began to come into the boat so the captain told everyone to throw their baggage into the sea. In the ocean we hit a rock, but the captain told us not to worry. Water began to come into the boat, but again he told us not to worry. We were in the lower compartment and it began to fill with water. It was too tight to move. Everyone began to scream. We were the last ones to get out alive. My husband pulled me out of the window. In the ocean, he took off his life jacket and gave it to a woman. We swam for as long as possible. After several hours he told me he that he was too tired to swim and that he was going to float on his back and rest. It was so dark we could not see. The waves were high. I could hear him calling me but he got further and further away. Eventually a boat found me. They never found my husband.” (Kos, Greece)

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That Girl

Sometimes smart girls just wanna be called pretty

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Joseph Heller wrote the massive bestseller

[deeplifequotes]

Joseph Heller wrote the massive bestseller, Catch-22 (about World War II).

Later in his life Heller went to a party in the Hamptons. Mostly young hedge fund guys at the party.

While he was at the party, someone came up to him and pointed out some 25 year old guy. “You see that guy over there?” he said. “That guy made more money last year than all of your books will make in your entire lifetime, times ten.”

Joseph Heller looked at the 25 year old guy then said. “But I have one thing that that man will never have.”

His friend gave a sort of scoff and said, “What could that possibly be?”

And Joseph Heller said, “Enough.”

http://livelifehappy.com/stories/joseph-heller-wrote-the-massive-bestseller-catch-22-about-world-war-ii/